i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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