it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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