respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
