mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
