omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
