what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
