We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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