so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
