If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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