there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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