we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
