i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
