Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
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we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
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Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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