My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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