Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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