Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
