nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
