And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
