i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think a kid would responsible me up
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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