i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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