your parents love me but you hate me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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