U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
