Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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