i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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