fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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