I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
