Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
