it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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