I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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