i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
