Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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