is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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