you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
