Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
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Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
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You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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