he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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