we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
