So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize