Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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