I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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