Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
