I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
