Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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