i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
