I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you never un-have a 4some
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
