He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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