I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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