im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
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He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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