so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
