I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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