there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
