How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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