Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
now i know why i became what i already was.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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