Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
