He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Let's get the cat blown out
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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