see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You dont lie about slip and slides
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
