Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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