Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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