i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
