i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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