Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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