I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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