I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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