It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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