Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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