You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
