i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
