i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
