his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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