I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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